I want to be better.

One of my many hobbies is Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. Most BJJ gyms open their doors Saturday morning to allow practice sessions. These sessions are referred to as “open mat.” During open mat you are encouraged to focus on what it is you want to improve. If your coach has been using the week to teach the class up on guard passes and you just want to work on perfecting your scissor sweep or you just have not been able to nail the triangle quite like you wanted, open mat is the time to do so. Get your practice in so you can succeed in the way you want to play.

Not too long ago, I took a good look at myself. The last two years haven’t gone the way I planned, or even how I wanted. At first, I thrust all the blame on my work and my circumstance. Nothing I could do. It was the gods fault. It was my bosses and colleagues who failed to appreciate the gift they had been given, me. These thoughts didn’t help at all. I went from feeling bad to worse, every day the same thing. I later developed an incredible hunger for reading, so I read, a lot. My diet consisted of classic literature/fiction mixed in with philosophy (ancient and modern) and some pop psychology with a pinch of business/personal growth. Biographies made the garnish. That helped a little. I still feel incomplete. A wide and far reaching base, but without depth or solidity. Mentally I feel Jack of all, master of none.

There is a song by Aaron Tippin, the lyric goes you’ve got to stand for something/ or you’ll fall for anything. My dad raised me listening to country music and I knew that song by heart. But it wasn’t until I was my own man that I understood what that really means. So there I was with all my collected knowledge, theories, and best practices, but I had no firm foundation of me.

People in the BJJ community refer to their style as their “game.” My personality as a thinker has affected my BJJ game to be methodical and precise. I detest an ugly move. We can be embraced in a great big grappling embrace soaked in sweat (not just from us, but everyone else we’ve rolled with that day) but a haphazard lunge or some sloppy power play will be the thing that turns me off. That is just how I like to play. So I have this distinct “game” for one of my favorite hobbies, but I could not discern what my own “personal game” is or looks like. Something that is not just a hobby, but who I am.

So here is what I envision my Open Mat to be. A place were I can go to work on me. Every time I come here I want to get a little closer to perfection of my game. I want to work on determining where I stand on certain issues. I want to know what I think and I know that fine tuning a proper argument is the best way for me to figure that out. I want to perfect my art game, my literature game, my political game, and whatever other games I develop along the way. I have so many thoughts to put down and I am so thrilled to start this.

Last note, this is an open mat. As I explained at the start, open mat is a particular thing in the BJJ community. Focus on community, you can’t have an open mat by yourself. I want anyone who enters the open mat to feel welcome to work on their own games too. Argue, debate, and share best practices. BJJ is a martial art and I expect there to be a martial aspect of what goes on here, so thick skin is necessary. If you lose or can’t come to any agreement. Bow out, thank the other, bump, slap and roll with the next person.